idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
