I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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