i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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