Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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