Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
