I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
