toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
