he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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