I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
