She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
