Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
