I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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