If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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