I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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