I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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