I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
