Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
