I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm really busy with my period
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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