What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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