you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
