hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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