The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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