First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
