apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
