I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
