I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
