So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
