she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
