his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
