i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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