we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
