girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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