i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
