remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
