Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
