I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
