I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
