He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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