he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
