mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
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