my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
