the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
