It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
