Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
