weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
