quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
