everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hippo gnu deer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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