Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
