Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
