i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She needs sedatives and a leash
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
