doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
