Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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