We won't sleep together?
You're so nebulous sometimes
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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