Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
