Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
