It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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